Thursday, February 08, 2007 Labels: depression, giving up, O'level results, parents, siblings
Tomorrow is THE DAY. The day which will make or break my future. O'level results. Expectations are soo high even though no one tells me to the face. I know they expact me to get good grades and make them proud. But the question here is:can I?
God, my hands are shaking, my eyes are burning from the constant crying. They all think i can do it. But i really dont know. Having the pressure to get perfect results like my sister and brother even though it's not said i know they are thinking it. I know they have high hopes for me. And i'm scared to get back my results. I'm scared to see the dissapointment in my families faces. I'm scared to even go home if i dont do well. I dont know what to do if i do badly. I cant go home with results like that. I just cant. I dont want to see my parents faces drop if i do badly. I feel like i've been a dissapointment to them all these years and i cannot take it anymore. I dont want to let them down anymore.
They dont know how hurt I am when they say 'let's see if u can pass first' even if they meant it as a joke, it really hurts. like they know i'm going to do badly. Like they have lost hope in me. All my insercurities are back. I just feel so god damn depressed. And i HATE IT!!!